BURDEN. Sigh. The semester hasn't officially started, but I am already
experiencing the doldrums. I haven't really recovered yet from the last
semester, and up to now I feel burdened by a lot of things. For one thing,
there's my design class. It's a rather long story, but the bottomline is
there are three topic studios, and supposedly these topic studios would help me
in figuring out what's my direction in thesis, and sadly, I still don't have
any clue as to what will my thesis be.

Of course, this is a dilemma to someone who doesn't merely look at thesis
as something to pass, an academic requirement. In a way, I look at thesis as
an area of study that I would be interested to pursue later in life. And not
knowing what I want to study kinda burdens me.

***

I also feel burdened by some of the realities around me. I experience them through
my friends. Last Thursday, I slept at my former boarding house, and again I got to
meet my former housemates and learned how they were doing, and realization struck.
I left my boarding house not only because of my workload (and the fact that I couldn't
deal with chores anymore, and the going-back-and-forth-from-bhse-school-hse-Joyce's place-etc.),
but because I became too overwhelmed with the situations around me. I got acquainted
with self-supporting housemates, young moms, sorority girls, and friends deeply in loan.
Different friends, and more different lives. I loved them and all, but well...I think I suffered from
from a serious backlash. I realized that I wasn't really ready to leave the cocoon I made
for myself. All my life I've tried paving such a straight path for myself by studying well,
staying in school, and keeping away from vices and people who might tempt me into it, and
joining organizations and other worthwhile things to meet friends and do good things.
Of course, the support from home made also a big difference in my stability. And God,
all this time He has provided. And so much.

I shied away from my housemates because I felt too much for them. I felt I couldn't handle it.
In a way, the emotional baggage just got heavier. And at times, I simply couldn't relate.

It's kinda sad, but a whole lot of load has been lifted off me when the first semester started.
But recently, I have been communicating with them, and I can feel the uneasiness creeping.
Again, I feel affected by their circumstances. I feel weird in the sense that I know
I am already old enough to have friends my age who are experiencing things I consider something
only something adults experience, and yet the idea is so odd to me. Makes me wonder if I am really the
one with the problem.