Pitter Patter

Earlier, on my way home I decided to pass by SM Bicutan’s baby section to browse through possible gifts for my friend’s upcoming baby shower. She’s probably on her 8th or 9th month already. The last time I bumped into her, she was with her husband and nephews. The scene touched me – she was positively doting on her nephews like mother hen. She was glowing under the bask of becoming a first-time mom, and I couldn’t help but feel so happy for her.

I had mixed feelings though about browsing through all the baby blankets, bottles, jammies, and all the other oh-so cute baby stuff on display. Of course, I was really happy to be taking part in a friend’s milestone – being a mom! I can’t believe the fourteen-year-old kid I used to hang out with is finally having a baby of her own. Well…yeah, there’s the indecision on my part – I also wanted to give something that would be significant and helpful to my friend, and there’s also… a weird feeling. Maternal instincts started kicking in.

You see, I’m an only child. So, whether I like it or not I don’t think I could help but think of the “me” most of the time – for the most part of my life I didn’t have anyone to think of or take care of. It has always been that way, and it’s only as I grew older I realized that I need to get out of my shell and look out for other people like friends. But it still doesn’t come to me naturally. I’m also a loner by nature, and it’s hard for me to relate to people easily at first try.

And I’m also not close to my mom. Whenever I think of my mom, images of doting moms singing their kids to sleep, nursing their wounds when they get hurt, or making them smile when they’re sad do not cross my mind. She is just like that – simply a utilitarian, no nonsense person.

It has always been that way and I’ve learned to accept that. I guess there are things which are better just…understood.

But anyway, I can’t help but think about it while deciding what to get my friend baby girl. (Yup, by now she already told us what the gender of her baby would be.) I know my friend has long wanted to have a family of her own, and I know that she’ll make a great mom.

It also dawned on me how really great it must be to take care of a little one. Well, I’m sure being a mom would come someday. But right now, it’s just really nice to be feeling something good and selfless as imagining yourself taking care of a child. At least I think I’m not as self-absorbed as I feared thought.