RAMBLINGS

I’m currently on break from all the info stuffing activity I’ve immersed myself ever since I went on leave. Well, actually it’s not a break break -- I’m researching on what each crane on Arch. Venus’ excerpt of the mechanical code looks like.

My typical study day is like this: I wake up, have a long and leisurely shower, (enjoying my new shampoo that smells so….citrusy and summery.=) ) try to have breakfast (or at least whatever’s left after everyone else has eaten), read the newspaper (entertainment first, opinions last), saunter around the lanai a bit, read a bit into where I left off the previous night, shift from the study table to the solid bench by the big window and back, sometimes I bring the reviewers to my room and then back to the study table. I eat, take catnaps, read a no-brainer book in between studies to prevent information overkill, visit the cute baby girl next door, and next thing I know, it’s already night time.

I’ve found out I could hardly stand to read in one sitting an entire subject. I don’t know if I’m utilizing the time I have efficiently given this short attention span problem that I have or I could still exert a little more effort at doing things in a more continuous, fluid way…oh well. Anyway, I’m trying my best to stick to a schedule. Hopefully I could follow through.

There are still a couple of errands I need to do for the boards, like follow up on my logbook and my diploma, and the actual filing for an exam permit. I’m actually quite nervous about filing for an exam permit. What if one of my requirements would be found null or something? And if ever I do get the permit, ok…that’s it. No backing out of this exam. No backing out of another adult decision. (My, they seem to get more plenty by the year.) *sigh*

Anyway, I do what I can on the time I have.

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Sometimes I wonder what awaits for me after the exam has passed. I’ve been reading some of my friends’ blogs and well, what most of them have in common is the ‘search’ their place in the sun. It’s kind of …. ironic? Odd? Expected? ‘Search’ and ‘struggle’ seem to be intertwined no matter whose experience it may be.

In a way I’m a wimp. I feel reluctant to face challenges in my life, especially uncertain ones, even though I do recognize they’re inevitable.

In a way, that’s one of the biggest reasons why despite the hardships brought about by the exams, in a way I’m a bit happier to be on leave, if only to temporarily avoid challenges at work and the struggle to make it there. A temporary respite from everything (well, at least until June arrives) and at least I’m back to a role that I can relate to the best – being a student. At least with taking the exams, I can only predict two things - either I pass the exam, or I fail. Whereas work, the greater things in life…I still am clueless on what to do next.