(WARNING: Let me just warn the reader that there's actually no point in this entry, hehe.)
It's just that it's been a long time since I've written anything in here. Anyway, just want to inform the reader I'm alive and well. Just silently drifting in and out, watching people come and go, going through the motion of finishing drawings, meeting deadlines, exchanging one liners with officemates and so on. On rare occasions I get to meet people from my previous lives - whether it be connected to work, college, high school and so on.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in self exile. I go through the motions but I don't feel involved. I'm just more of the observer nowadays. Weird ba? I can't help but think that I also get to talk to a lot of people experiencing the same feeling as I do.
In a way I feel dull - I see friends come and go, lose connections with old and new people. I feel sad. And then I let it pass. Although there are times that I feel disappointed. Just last week, one of my "close friends" from way back suddenly came out of nowhere and brought up the idea of coffee. I gamely agreed. But I guess I expected too much from this friend. Anyway, after a couple of tries of confirming with this particular friend when this coffee meeting would push through, I just gave up on the idea. Sad sad. Tsk tsk. Oh well. Can't say I wasn't disappointed. But the sensation dulls after like a million times of expecting too much and getting too little.
Two of my friends would be leaving this week. One already left for China, the other would mark his last day in the office on Friday. I feel sad about this. Well, maybe for the person in China, I don't really feel that sad, because I know she'll do well and we would see each other again. But for my officemate...well, I feel sad. Just thinking about what he's going through makes me sad. I don't know how he'll fare out there. But I guess I can only observe from a distance and wish that person the best right?
I think about my mom, and how I don't really get to pay much attention to her even if we live in the same house. I think about how to please other people I'm only acquainted with, and then...well...sometimes I have mixed priorities.
I think about my hun wun though, and I feel...comforted. He's like an anchor. (I can't explain this properly at the moment.) Makes me feel I'm actually doing something and not just being an observer.
My mind is jumble of incoherent thoughts. Oh well.
