The First Cut is the Deepest.*

My high school best friend, Armie, called me up just before quarter to ten o’clock this evening. She was all set to board her plane that would bring her far, far away from here. Far away from us….

Okay, before I get too teary-eyed over this, let me just vindicate myself a little by saying her leaving is really difficult for me. I guess its hard to say goodbye to someone you’ve practically known your entire life, back when you were donning flowered tiaras to your First Holy Communion, back when you were enjoying how nice it was to be talking on the phone for hours. Armie was the first person I’ve ever called when we had our first landline number. She has been there through the good (hair) days and the bad. Going through the 'bopor' days under Mrs. Laig's class.*shudder* The first crushes and the first loves. Serious problems. The boy bands and the girl bands. Countless other fads. And Leonardo DiCaprio.** (Oh yes, I should just include that….)

*sigh*

I’ve always looked up to Armie since time immemorial. Even back in 2nd grade, she was one of the tallest and smartest kids in the block. Our teachers called on her often, and she often recited in class and led the prayers and such. She was consistently top one in our classes, and she won all of the history quiz bees. She was really pretty and had the best script handwriting I’ve ever seen – a penmanship I still try to emulate to this very day whenever I write in script. But despite all her winning attributes, she was humble and she never had any mean bone in her body.

Suffice to say, everyone in class liked her. There was even this ‘pretty’ boy (pretty because I find his features more girlish than boyish) who even got teased to her. Hehe…(to people who might know, ask niyo na lang ako.:))

Sometimes I wonder – how did a klutz such as me end up having Armie, the poster child for grace and poise, for a best friend? Even though we have lots of things in common (being an only child for starters) sometimes I feel that we’re poles apart. Hmmm…maybe we have the kind of friendship that complements rather than negates.

***
Anyhow, I’ll miss Armie terribly. Last night, when we met up for dinner (Me, Marvin, Jen, and Armie) I tried to lighten things by focusing on trivial stuff like her meeting someone who looks like Gael Garcia Bernal in Miami. (Oh gosh. If that would really happen…sigh.) And for a while it didn’t seem like she was going away. It felt like we were just having a dinner out and we were enjoying the night.

But when she hopped on the cab, I felt sad. I guess the last image I have of her – her back turned to us as she entered the cab – I guess the finality of it kicked in. After nearly sixteen years of knowing each other, we would soon part ways.

In a way I’m scared because her leaving is one of those ‘defining’ moments in our lives. It’s a reminder than we are growing up, and growing old. And part of growing up means learning to move on no matter where life takes us. And part of me does not want to grow up. I’m also apprehensive because I don’t know what’s in store for Armie. And I won’t be around to hear about it or come by her side when she needs it.

But I’m also happy for her because I think she’s headed for a place where she can realize many great opportunities. I’ll be crossing my fingers and toes for that.

We haven’t come full circle yet. Our journey has just started.

*This is a title of a song that Rish emailed me a couple of months ago. It’s from that show The O.C. Anyway, the lyrics of this song does not really convey how I feel at this moment, but the melody does.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT LIKE Leonardo DiCaprio. I was merely the one who gave Armie that scrapbook.

My best friend and me throughout the years…


After our reco when we were in 3rd year.


Our grad ball. Gosh. I really hate me with makeup. Armie, on the other hand, just looks classic.


2003 A.D. I'm in pink stripes (obvious) while Armie is clad in that Jerry Yan shirt. (not-so-obvious)


a picture with another close friend, Soo Yeon, and Clinton, the dog.^^

Just a couple of shorts...

...I cut my hair short today. I said farewell temporarily to my long, college days hair. I guess I needed a change, and since I can't afford plastic surgery or a trip out of the country, for the mean time changing my hair length would have to do. Hmmm...I kind of also hit on my hair since I'm somewhat down...I don't think I'll spend tomorrow with my honey. Tomorrow is our first monthsary, but he won't be around because he's rendering work for the whole night -- yup, he's staying the whole night in the office.

...A little bit more and we're going to hit our quota for the lesson board. I hope that pays off.:)

...To Rish: A friend invited me to his birthday celebration this coming Saturday. Hmm...I want to go but I'm having second thoughts because Eastwood is so far from my house, and it is for dinner. And that is just from a practical point of view. Joyce and Mia are also coming, I believe.

Erratum.

Ok. I've decided to give up on my Valentine blog layout because people might think my blog has been hacked. (Actually, one already texted me asking if that was really my blog.) Since I have no time to tweak it right now, I'll just forgo with the usual tagboards and stuff. Just let me know what you think na lang through the comments. Thanks!

The Week that Was.

I’m currently in between coming up with more schemes for our additional T&B, relearning how to use CAD, and thinking how to improve my and anna’s English lesson board.

I guess I just want to share that I had a great week. For weeks months I’ve been complaining I feel underutilized and undertrained (is there such a word?) in the firm… well. I’ve decided to do something about this.

Monday.
I went to my first job interview after entering the firm I’m currently working for. It felt good to see a good college friend, Betty, after all this time, and it was refreshing to be in another office -- a far MORE organized place than our own. Anyway, two people from that office interviewed me – one was a lady architect from the interior division, and two was the principal architect himself. They were nice enough, although the big boss was a bit intimidating, truly a no-nonsense guy. Hee…I guess that was just part of the routine interview.

You know what? I liked everything about that interview. And the job. For a novice like me, it seems too good to be true. I’ve always wanted to handle details all by myself, and being in their interior (design) division should give me that opportunity. Betty even texted me saying that their boss liked me because he feels I can pick up things fast enough. He just wasn’t sure about the one month leeway I asked for – the necessary time I need to get out from my current work.

But as I left their office, well… a part of me just felt reluctant to give up what I have at the present despite all my frustrations over it. Am I just expecting too much too soon? Am I just reluctant to adjust to the new setting? Am I intimidated by the kind of work they do there? Probably. Or maybe, at the back of my head I’ve assessed my ‘market value’, as my honey puts it, and decided that I need to gain more before I decide to ‘sell’ my skills and experience.


Tuesday.
After seven months of being an employee in the office, I used CAD in the office to draw some details -- FOR THE FIRST TIME. Well…previously, my main use for CAD was just to print some details my boss needed for reference. But that was just it. How did this happen? Around a week or two ago, my ever concerned honey brought up some of my work-related issues with a really nice lady senior staff. In turn, Ma’am A talked to me about it. She told me she understood my feelings about certain things, and she promised she’d try to talk to my boss about it.

Although I know I have to talk to my boss sooner or later, it felt good that at least someone aside from my usual set of friends knows how I really feel about my job. I think about half of it stems from how I feel about my boss. And though there are times that I just feel like throwing in the towel and look for gold mines elsewhere, for some reason I feel rooted in my spot. I don’t know why…

So anyway, back to CAD. Ma’am A decided to ask permission from my boss and her seniors if I could help out in her renovation project after office hours. I couldn’t be happier. For one thing, I realized I don’t know how to draw details properly – I just somehow know the ‘conceptual’ part of it. Another thing, learning the office CAD standard is hard. Although it may seem somehow ‘menial’ to be merely producing drawings, for me it’s still brainwork. Lastly -- I get to work with other people in the office!^^ That is definitely a welcome change.


Wednesday.
One of the junior partners in the firm had observed that I always move around looking for a place to settle in, and brought up the matter with my boss. I will be adamant about this: IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’M SUCH A NOMAD IN THE OFFICE. People either need the drafting table I use for my desk, or there’s no computer in the office that I could use solely for my own. Anyway, this particular junior partner insisted to my boss that I be given a space in his department.

So anyway, my boss asked me to clear the junk stuff on the adjacent table beside his own. I had mixed feelings about this – unwilling, because I don’t want to be around my boss, but at the same time relieved and happy because I finally have a place to stay.

So I did make space for my own things. It took me at least half the day clearing stuff. Yipee. Even I was surprised there was actually a lot of room in the department once the area was cleared of all the papers, plans, and samples.


Friday.
I met up with best friend Armie for supposedly the last time before she leaves for Miami, but for the nth time her flight got delayed for some reason, so she would still be around for another week. She also invited Evita, (cool name, huh?) a friend who works at Forex. My honey followed afterwards after his OT work.

Hmm…it’s secretly a good thing that Armie’s flight got delayed. I guess that should lessen some of the ‘departure stress’ (at least for me) because at least all that expectation of her leaving would really sink in once everyone realizes that, ‘hey…why hasn’t this girl left yet?’ (Well, I hope I made that point.) And at least she and her mom would have a little more QT before she leaves.

Although in a way, I’m prepared. It’s one of those situations wherein that you’ve already accepted where you and your friend’s fate would take each of you. I’ve always known that about Armie’s, even back in grade school.


Saturday.
I let Serendipity, my 2-year-old phone, rest for a while. That dear old phone, which has been my companion during boring MRT rides in my student days and quiet editing days during my first few months in the office, has been taking the brunt of my constant use. Its battery life only lasts for a day now.;__; And its lacks a couple of screws and parts…hehe. You can tell its a very much ‘loved’ phone. Anyway, I’m gonna give Serendipity time to breathe.

I’m using a new phone in place of Serendipity. My mom and I traded phones. I got her Smiley, and she gave me Floom, her phone. I still have a hard time figuring out all of Floom’s features, but I’m getting there. It’s a good thing Floom doesn’t store mp3s – um, if ever she’ll be a very much used phone like Serendipity.

Present.
I’m just wishing that the new week would just be productive and exciting like last week.^^

Blogging on a lazy Sunday morning.

Hehe...times are changing. I used to update this blog every week, when I went out more often and I had more trivial things on my mind to write about. Well, anyway, I guess I'm semi-happy now - won't share why my day (well, yesterday) didn't start so great, but I'm willing to share that my mood lifted when mr. contractor came to our house and checked out what needs to be done with our existing lanai. That got me excited. Ever since July we've been planning to renovate our lanai and add another bathroom, but things always got in the way. For me at least - my mom always bugs me to finish it but I never got around to finishing it.

So finally, I convinced my mom to hire a contractor instead of merely getting a foreman to do everything for her. Yehey. She relented. Mr. Contractor came to the house Saturday afternoon. He seems nice enough. He even suggested I put a door from my bedroom leading to the proposed bathroom. (Yehey.) Ayan...instant personal bathroom ko na ang dapat bathroom ng lanai.

But seriously, I'm happy because at least meeting Mr. Contractor is the first solid step towards realizing our pet project. Yun lang. I hope everything would push through in the next couple of weeks.

***
I'll post some of my recent fave pics with some of my fave people around:


#1 With best friend Joyce with the Oblation in the background



#2 With Joyce and Risha at Firefighters in Libis



#3 Looking goofy with Edward, Taal crater



#4 That's just me with the Calaruega chapel as backdrop, period.



#5 The KMJSEV gang minus the K and the S, at the top of the crater.

from Antoine de Saint-Exupery:
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

2004.

I’ve long wanted to write an entry about this year, both in my personal journal and blog. But somehow, I couldn’t seem to put myself together…I couldn’t seem to really compose my thoughts. I couldn’t seem to express what I really feel about this year. I couldn’t say that I was really happy about this year. Neither was I sad or lukewarm about it. It’s just really…really…

I have mixed feelings about this year. So many things have happened in this year that up to now I am still overwhelmed by the changes that happened in my life. I didn’t go anywhere else for this year, but from one viewpoint, everything that has happened so far seem to ball up into one long and exciting journey – and looking from that point of view, it might seem such a cool adventure. And I say to myself, this is what I’ve always wanted, right? But unlike a road trip or a trip abroad that only seems exhilarating and exciting, my life journey for this year has brought me my share of disappointments along with the happy moments.

For the most part, I guess I could say I became more keenly aware of the things that has been happening around me. In a way, I guess I could say I’m reluctantly happy about it. Reluctant is the word. Sometimes I couldn’t believe those things happened for little ‘ol me.

Let’s see. I finished thesis. I graduated. I rested. I missed some chances. But I made the transition from bumhood to work. I eventually got excited about work. I got disappointed as well. I eventually learned to deal with it.

I missed my friends. I made new ones.

And I fell in love.

***
I am glad because my friends seem to be happy with what has happened so far in their lives after college. I am relieved to know that everyone seems to have adjusted well.

I should also consider myself lucky and blessed. Though there were times when I wished I was in someone else’s shoes, at the end of the day I’d still like to be me. It’s not every year one gets to experience dramatic changes in their lives through the people they meet, or share the whole year with. I suppose the past year has been such one year for me. I have learned -- actually, still learning – valuable lessons that I admittedly am struggling to practice in my life.

***
Anyway, it’s the dawn of another year. I just want to say that I am looking forward to what this year has to offer. I pray that this year would bring lots of blessings not just for me but for everyone as well.

And to my honey -- you’re one of the reasons why I’m looking forward to this year.
I love you.^^